I hesitated for a few months to write about something about which I am going to write in this post. The reason why I eventually decided to write is that this is something that is intimately intertwined with the destiny of this blog, to put it in that overly dramatic tone. If I'm not writing more and if I'm not writing about the topics I would like to write, I at least how to say why. And it isn't that I simply don't want to write.
This is not something I like to talk or write about, especially not to people who I do not know, but I nonetheless decided to leave a note to anyone who wants to read it/might find it; after all, it is something that does not concern only me. Pain is something that concerns us all - human beings and living beings in general.
About four years ago, when I was an aspiring undergraduate student, I accidentally injured my retina one day in spring (I do not remember the month anymore but I know it was early spring because days started to get warmer and sunnier). The injury was luckily not big; it is actually so small that it was/is not even visible to a physician. Nonetheless, it exists/persists. That accident and the injury were of course a big trauma to me, but they didn't actually cause me much trouble, except for some minor symptoms and equally minor changes in my vision to which I had to adapt. And I did. What followed was actually what I regard to be the happiest and the intellectually most fruitful period in my life. This was also the period in which I started this blog.
Unfortunately, this winter, just as I was finishing my Master's Thesis, my symptoms got worse. It was a sudden change but symptoms continued to deteriorate for a few weeks or even a month. Not significantly but they did intensify. Shortly, symptoms in my left eye (eye which was captured more by the injury) sometimes become so intense that I feel a sort of pain or at least discomfort. As a consequence of the change in the intensity of my symptoms, it has become a little bit but sometimes also significantly harder for me to read and write. By that, I mean that I have a problem keeping concentration for longer than, let's say, five or ten minutes. In other words, it has become hard for me to write and read in continuity over a longer period of time and I also get exhausted faster.
This is the main reason why I didn't write anything on this blog for a while and why I don't know when I will start posting new content here. The symptoms, that is living with the symptoms and bearing the symptoms, exhaust me. I don't have that surplus of energy required to run a blog anymore/currently. I try to focus all the energy that I got, that is all the energy I can retain while struggling with the symptoms, into the writings (and readings) which I find to be pressing: those texts whose writing has existential (I don't mean that in economic terms) importance for me...
* I define texts with existential importance as texts whose non-writing causes more pain and physical and psychological suffering than writing them!
